In-Law Annoyances

I haven't complained too much in the blogosphere yet about my unfortunate father-in-law situation, so I'd like to take the opportunity now. Lucky me, I get to deal with a father-in-law who's a male chauvinist pig, and a stepfather-in-law who has similar issues. I guess some people get used to it, but it's tough for me to be around men like this due to the fact that my own father is a caring, sensitive human being who never makes sexist, racist or homophobic comments (and wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near a Hooters).

Let's see, I'll start with my father-in-law. I think I talked about one of our very first meetings in a previous post (near the bottom). Suffice it to say, my father-in-law has old-fashioned ideas when it comes to "a woman's place." Basically, he seems to think that any woman with a nice body should either be working as a waitress at Hooters, or married and producing offspring. When we first met, he didn't enjoy hearing about my educational background (Boston University and Oxford University) nor my career (working in philanthropy). He didn't take me at all seriously, and he still doesn't.

As for my stepfather-in-law, he's not much better. Let's put it this way...he's been unable to maintain any sort of eye-contact with me on the several ocassions he's visited and stayed in our home. It's as though I'm nothing more than a pair of breasts to him...I mean, he's checking them out every other minute. (I'll never understand what's so damn fascinating.) What makes it worse is that he and my mother-in-law always visits during the summer months when it's harder to hide beneath bulky clothing.

Anyway, it's a good thing that my husband's dad wasn't around much when he was growing up, so that not too much of his dad's chauvinism rubbed off on him. My mother-in-law (bless her) is a lovely woman who unfortunately has horrible taste in men. But she was able to bring up two wonderful sons to her credit (completely to her credit).

My sister-in-law recalls one of the first times she met the man who was to be her father-in-law (who is mine as well). He thought he would share a joke with his son (and his son's girlfriend), and it was in the form of one of those stupid forwarded emails. This one was a photo of two naked women flying an airplane, and of course there was a sexist joke that went with it. (My father-in-law is an airplane pilot). He had no qualms about sharing such a joke in front of his son's fiancee, and she was shocked. She told me that later the same evening she cried herself to sleep wondering how she could ever deal with having that man as her father-in-law, and went so far as to contemplate whether she could go forward with the marriage.

Another annoying thing about my father-in-law is that he's very wealthy, and yet the biggest cheapskate on earth. He's the sort of father who made his son wear standard military-issue frames for his eyeglasses (because his Air Force benefits paid for those in full), or if he wanted more stylish frames, forced his son to pay the difference out of his own measly $2 per-week allowance. And he wasn't at all poor. He was a union airline pilot at the time.

Believe me, there are many, many stories I can share about my father-in-law that would make anyone wonder why I chose to marry into the family. One that especially takes the cake for me personally (pun intended), involves a special birthday cake I made for my husband a few years ago (before we were married). His dad had invited us up to his ocean-view home near Seattle for a birthday dinner. I had gone to hours of trouble slaving away to make a Three-Layer Citrus Poppy-Seed Cake (completely from scratch!) with two layers of decadent cream cheese frosting in the middle, topped with a lemon glaze. (It was only the most delicious cake known to humankind). The morning of my husband's birthday, I spoke to his dad on the phone, and told him I couldn't wait for everyone to try the birthday cake I'd made. He suddenly become all angry that there had been a "huge misunderstanding," and said, "I already ordered a special bakery cake for him. You'd better leave yours at home. We won't need two cakes."

First off, I was quite surprised that my father-in-law wouldn't be more ecstatic about me doing something so domestic as baking a cake. I was disappointed, but imagined that the "special bakery cake" must be something spectacular if he was to turn down my baked-from-scratch Citrus Poppy-Seed Cake. The birthday dinner was quite delicious, and I was eager to taste the dessert, but he waited for quite some time after dinner to serve the "special bakery cake." As it turned out, this was a cheap Safeway/Costco-style cake--the kind with no flavor and inedible frosting. When he brought it out, I thought he must playing a joke on everyone, but he wasn't. The rest of the evening I had to pretend that I didn't hate my father-in-law's guts. I don't think that my performance was convincing, however, because I wouldn't eat the cake he'd bought. When he asked why, it was as though he'd completely forgotten about our conversation about my cake earlier that day. He said, "Oh, you could have brought your cake. I didn't think you were going to leave it at home."