On Nightmares and Babies

One of my co-workers (who's around my age) just announced that she's expecting a baby, and so that set off all sorts of speculation from everyone at the office about when I am going to have a baby, etc., etc. (as if I don't already get this sort of questioning from my family on a regular basis...give me a break, people!) Probably the most annoying part was when one of my co-workers (the one who's about 32, unmarried and without any marital prospects) started cooing on and on about how much she just loves little babies, and how they're just so cute (I'll bet at home she has some of those posters of the little babies dressed up as flowers...and anyway, everyone knows that puppies are way cuter than babies). I couldn't let her see me rolling me eyes though, because someday I'll be needing a babysitter.

It's not that I don't like children, or don't want to have children, it's just that I don't particularly look forward to giving birth and all of the other unpleasant aspects associated with having children. I absolutely adore my nieces and nephew...but I just get to enjoy being their favorite auntie, then leave them with their parents. It's all very easy. Then there's the fact that this country is being run by a criminal cabal (if President Gore had been able to take office the way he was supposed to, no doubt I would be feeling a lot more optimistic about the state of the world right now). Also, babies cost so much money, and I just got back from spending $30 on bubble bath and candles over my lunch hour (I'm not very good at saving money).

My husband really, really wants to have kids. Remember that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger where he somehow impregnates himself and gives birth to Emma Thompson's baby? Sometimes I think my husband would volunteer do to something like that. As a matter of fact, I often get paranoid and think that he might try to secretly poke little holes in my diaphragm. He does continually try to dissuade me from using it. And whenever we're at Trader Joe's he has to point out to me the new fathers who wear their babies in those little sling pouches...he can act so jealous of men who have kids.

Which brings me to the dream I had last night. In this dream I had somehow given birth to three children, and they were now at various ages, and one of them was a newborn. Anyway, I was giving two of the children a bath while nursing the newborn. It was all very nice and pleasant until I started feeling a sharp pain around my nipple area ...it was only a mild pain at first, but then it started getting worse, so finally I looked down at my baby, and he or she had suddenly developed a set of dagger-like teeth. That was about the time I woke up. It's sort of funny, actually...I mean, what a classic textbook dream!

But I have to stop putting off this whole childbearing thing soon, because it is my wifely duty afterall (sarcasm off), and my clock is ticking away, as they say. And I don't think I want to be changing diapers at 40.